Re: what should i do

Posted by: Denise Knowles, relationship & family counsellor and sex therapist for Relate.
27/02/07 at 3:38 pm

It is always very difficult to overcome this kind of betrayal. It is quite ok to still love your husband but to be disgusted by his behaviour. You say you thought you were over this but clearly you are not and I wonder how you worked through this. You need to do this with your husband, he needs to regain your trust and you need to work out how his child may be integrated into your ‘family’. Your anger and hurt are manifesting themselves via your irritation with your husband and will continue to cause annoyance until you and your husband work together to find a solution – providing that is what you want?! Sex is frequently a victim in this situation, it is very difficult to make love with someone who has hurt you and with whom you are angry.
It would be good if you and your husband would go to Relate where the counsellor would help you both express feelings and gain some understanding of how you both found yourselves in this situation.

Re: what should i do

Posted by: ryan
08/03/07 at 6:47 pm

i have gone through a simialr situation albeit that i was the one that cheated and had a child. it surprises me that you have not started divorce proceeding yet as that is what has  happend to me. i think you will go through various stages untill you fully come to terms with what has happened. i dont really think i am the best person to give out this advice as i havent come to terms with what has happend yet, even though it has been months. i thnki you will feel angry, sad,lonley,and even love. im just curious as to why you havent kicked him out and started proceedings, i would have thought this would have been a universal thing, shows you just how much i know women. i hope you find a way soon and am sorry for what you are going through.

Re: what should i do

Posted by: angel
15/03/07 at 4:18 pm

Hi

I seem to be in the same position as you only my husband said that he only thought about paying for sex with woman on two occasions.  I felt hurt, angry, betrayed and i resented him and everything he did.  All i can say is you will become less angry and hurt the longer time goes on it did for me but it never goes away and i have put my feelings to a degree on hold with him. (a barrier so not to be hurt again) Only you can decide if your marriage is worth it and he has learnt by his mistake. Talk to him ask him how he would have felt if it had been you. Tell him you will and him will have to try again, slowly and if it happens again then it is over.  But you must tell him how it has affected you and make him listen, no shouting just talk, I hope all goes well for you both. Good luck

Reasons for getting divorced

Posted by: Anonymous
26/03/07 at 8:17 pm

you want to come out of a divorce with something more than the shirt on your back and ideally, with something closer to an equitable distribution of property, and other real assets are nice, too.  It is not a pie-in-the-sky best-case scenario.www.divorces.com/divorce_articles/divorce_article_7.htm

Re: what should i do

Posted by: troubled
28/03/07 at 8:29 pm

Thank you for your advice

Re: what should i do

Posted by: angelarose20
03/10/08 at 11:42 am

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